What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 07:54
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And i lived it daily.
Are you afraid to get married and why?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She married twice! .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What can help me fall asleep at night?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I don,t even have a pension.
A Mix of These Specific Foods Could Help You Avoid Chronic Disease - ScienceAlert
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
It was going to be , some day.
How can a hacker damage me, realistically?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why does it matter so much to atheists that God doesn't exist?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She found it foreign!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Comes on , in middle age.
Why do some children hate their parents?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
When she asked me how she looked .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We all went to grammer schools
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He knew the spot.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im still living with it.
I was very sick at this time too.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
All the time i was locked up.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My life is so biszare .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So, i spoilt her more .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But, we were locked up after school.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
So whats the point in blame.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She was in good health!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But it wasn’t much.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I waited trembling.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My family never makes their pension either.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Who then, do I blame.?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She wouldn,t have been !
I said to her
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One cannot live in the past .
I could never make a relationship work though!
What did i know ?
Ive learnt so much.
She loved him until the end.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was seconnd youngest,
We were not on the streets..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Would this be the day?
I will be 64.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Put me off passion for life!!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I write beautiful poetry .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I have no regrets .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was scared of men, in general
Why did i forgive my father ?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I think the readers, may guess!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
This is soul school!.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was 9 years of age.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..